Did I mention no one is allowed to die?

All I want for queer Christmas is Mackenzie Davis

I’m going to pretend for one afternoon like we’re not potentially facing a coup and that the next two months are not going to be what happens when you break up with a narcissist. Just for this afternoon while I write this.

Next week I’m posting another interview with someone I really admire about their creative practice, which should be helpful since we all need to stay inside where we might have more time to focus on making things.

I was also recently on the Unscripted Moments podcast, which talks about a different Propagandhi song each week. Surprising no one, I talk about Anchorless and the difference between the Propagandhi and Weakerthans versions. 🤓 I’m enjoying this trend of podcasts letting people go on deep dives about songs they love, and so far I’ve been on podcasts to talk about Paramore, American Steel, The Clash, and now this. Next month I have to choose a punk/emo record to talk about on another one, if y’all have any requests. This is my life now.

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I recognize that it is entirely too early to be talking about the holidays but it’s 2020, so time means nothing. I also don’t personally celebrate winter solstice holidays in any religious capacity, so it’s all conceptual capitalist fluff to me anyway. However, if advertising algorithms have one thing about me correct it’s that I am the chosen demographic for the new film Happiest Season. A holiday rom-com starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis (my celebrity crush), it’s your standard “girl brings girl home for the holidays but neglects to come out to her parents beforehand.” I’m assuming lots of awkward shenanigans ensue and there’s 100% a joke that involves someone standing in a closet. It was written by Clea Duvall and Mary Holland which means it’s probably very funny and I will love it.

THAT SAID

I really, for once (just once!) want a holiday movie or just your average rom-com with a queer lead character that does not involve someone being in the closet or seducing a straight person, where the lead’s queerness is not at all the problem.

I want to see a remake of The Holiday where a lonely dyke from London trades sublets with a trans person in Silver Lake and instead of Jack Black she falls in love with a non-binary person who writes pop songs and the only awkward moment about queerness is maybe asking someone’s pronouns.

Can’t we have something resembling Love Actually where a femme person tries to win back their partner by holding up signs that apologize for not spending more time processing and promising to go to therapy?

How about one where two gay men (who are already out) are best friends but one of them has been in love with the other since high school and then they finally fall in love. The best part would be that one of them already has a partner but it’s fine because they’re polyamorous and people can love more than one person at a time without the world exploding!

Or how about a film where a bunch of queer women get ready for a Secret Santa party but it gets complicated because half of them have dated each other and Cheryl knows exactly what to get for her ex, Amy, but Amy’s new girlfriend has no clue what to get her for the holidays and it makes us realize that Amy and Cheryl should still be together!?

Oh, and did I mention no one is allowed to die? No one can die and they can’t break up at the end. Those are the rules.

Just spitballing. Does this exist in major motion pictures? Tell me something like this exists, please.

While we’re here, I’d like to offer my annual reminder that Carol is a Christmas film.

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